When I woke up this morning I was scared witless. Last night I dreamed the same dream over and over. God was telling me that I was born a question mark. As soon as I breathed that first breath half a century ago, He asked, “Marilyn?” How I’ve lived my life is how I have been answering His question. In the dream, He was asking me if I’m satisfied with my answer. Am I satisfied?
Even now my hand shakes just thinking about it. I was born with a question mark. My life is the answer. I feel like I’ve been taking a test in my sleep. Like something important has been happening and I haven’t even been aware. If my answers were graded right now, what kind of grade would I have? Truthfully, I’m not sure I want to know.
So what exactly was He asking? Marilyn, who are you? Marilyn, will you follow Me? How will you use the gifts I’ve given you? Who will you love? Will you help others? What will you do with the time I’m giving you? Will you shine for Me?
My LIFE is the answer.
It has me evaluating the decisions I’ve made, the path I’ve taken, the people with whom I’m doing life. Would God be pleased? Is He? What do I need to change to give a better answer? Do I need to go back and answer questions that I skipped over? Are there apologies I need to make? Forgiveness to extend?
Am I satisfied with my answer? Not really. There has been good. There has been bad. But overall, I am not seeing an A.
God has reminded me that I am a living answer. But He also reminded me that He is a God of grace. As long as I trust Him, call on Him, give my life to Him, He covers for me. When I hurt others or they hurt me, He heals. When I disappoint, He redirects in love. When I fail to shine, He makes up for it with His light. He is awesome.
Now I’m fully awake. God asked a question. My life is the answer. I am not on my own, however. I have Someone whispering the answers in my ear. What I mess up in disobedience, laziness, or misdirection, He makes up for in grace and mercy. He knows all the answers and He is on my side, directing my path. And I am satisfied with that!
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:15–16 nlt